I have been acting now for over 10 years. I started off at the Stella Adler Academy of Acting here in Los Angeles right after my military service was completed and did their two year comprehensive program to established the foundation for becoming a professional actor. Classes focused on developing the nascent creative nature in aspiring young actors through the taking of various classes including voice and speech, movement, technique, improvisation, dance, script analysis, Shakespeare, stage combat, fencing, audition skills, Chekhov, scene study, theater into film, and Alexander Technique. All these classes sought to develop the full range of an actor to be able to utilize his instrument when performing, and his instrument is his body, his voice, and his soul. Stella Adler's technique centers on the use of the imagination in the given circumstances of the play (or script). The actor is taught how to use his imagination to create the world of his character and understand the world he lives in. Perhaps one of the most enjoyable aspects of being an actor is the process of creating a character, in finding their mannerisms and behaviors, the way they move, how they speak, and what moves them to do what it is they do. The goal of every actor is to serve the play or script, as one of my favorite teachers put it "the play is the thing", and if what you are doing doesn't serve the play, then you've not fulfilled the responsibility of the actor, which is to communicate the story truthfully to the audience. So, how does an actor go about creating a character?
Recently I was working on a character in scene study, (it's always important to keep attending class to keep doing the work and getting better at one's craft), and the scene I worked on was from the Tony Kushner play, "Angels in America". I was challenged to play the role of Roy Cohn, made famous by the HBO special which starred Al Pacino as Roy, who was based on a real life person, Roy M. Cohn, a successful New York lawyer who, during the McCarthy Hearings of the 1950's had illegal conferences with the judge of the Ethel Rosenberg trial, which consequently, led to the conviction and execution of Ethel Rosenberg. His influence in politics was substantial, he was not very well liked because of his overbearing attitude and demeanor, but his greatest claim to fame which made him infamous, was his virulent antipathy for the gay community. Roy, in fact, was gay. This overt hatred and discrimination towards his own community makes Roy one of the most complex and odious characters to portray in the modern theatre. He is a monster, one who denies who he is, who hates this part of himself with such rage that he projects his hatred out onto those he sees as like himself and wants to punish and destroy them. When he contracts AIDS, he denies this to everyone, and says he has "liver cancer." The scene I performed is in Part Two of Angels in America, titled Perestroika. Roy is dying in the hospital, all alone, with no one there to be there with him in his last days except for a former drag queen named Belize who is also a registered nurse. Belize finds Roy reprehensible and disgusting, and yet, he finds love and compassion for a man who he can't stand, and Roy, who even in his unendurable pain viciously attacks and provokes Belize with derogatory gay slurs and insults, desperately needs for someone to be around, the fear of being alone and his impending death consume his every thought.
The joy of acting is in the process of discovery. Where to begin? As Stella Adler used to say, "The truth of your art is in the truth of your circumstances." I like to begin by finding the physical life of the character, and I do this by delving into the place. Where does my character live? What does he do for a profession? How does he walk? How does he talk? For Roy, it made it easy in the fact he was based on a real person, so I could look at his life through the historical lens and build the character from that. I learned about his history, how he became a lawyer, his involvement in the Rosenburg trials, his lascivious lifestyle behind the facade of being a respectable citizen (Roy used to have gay sex orgies in planes that would fly back and forth across the country), and I watched him on tape to get a sense of his mannerisms and speech patterns. I'd imitate the best I could until I got a sense of how he used his voice and speech, and then, with all this information, I'd let my imagination create the life of Roy in my mind. I'd imagine all these episodes in his life and put myself in his shoes and live my characters' life. This was how I was able to get inside this man, who he was and what made him tick. Every character is different, and many times, you don't have the luxury of an actual person whom you can look up to base your interpretation on, so it's imperative to be creative in this initial stage. Often you have to build the character from the ground up, and all you have to work with is what the playwright wrote in the play, and so your imagination needs to create this world. If your character lives in 18th Century England, you have to understand the times he or she lived in - you have to know their profession, politics, religion, their relationships, the social and economic currents of the period, class and upbringing, intelligence of the person -is this person educated or does he have little or no education?-, their clothes, the passion and history of the people; the music, art, and architecture of the period; all this and more, is the work done by the actor to understand and begin to penetrate to the heart of his character. For me, music is a powerful way to connect to my character because it grounds me in their world and excites my imagination. The music of a period says a lot about the people who lived in those times and thus, I'm better able to imagine their world when I listen to their music, and place myself there in the given circumstances of the play.
Next, I like to do what my dear professor Eugene Lazarev schooled me to do, and that is called active analysis. With all the information above, now its time to act out the scene or related scenes using my own words. This type of improvisation allows for the freedom to create and live in the space as my character without being restricted by the words. Words, by the way, should always be the last thing to layer on. You want to understand what is the conflict, what is the play trying to communicate, and by actively doing it without limitation brings forth your own creative nature to the forefront. There is an understanding that comes as a result which you do not have if you go directly to the words. All the senses are involved, you're not just waiting for the other person's line, and thus, you fully connect to the scene in a way that opens you up to unexplored ways of bringing life to your character. Your whole self is fully involved, and true connection happens during these improvisations, which pays dividends when you finally do get to the lines. For whatever reason, the words the character speaks become your own and find expression in deeply profound and subtle ways. It's one of the mysteries and joys of acting when you create this true connection on stage and breathe life into the life of your character. The greatest acting is done when it doesn't look like acting.
The other thing I like to do when creating a character is identify what is my character's diagnosis. This is a psychological as well as an emotional interpretation of what motivates my character. I like to keep it simple. Something that I mentally and emotionally connect to which animates my every move and thought as the character. For instance, if my character seems to drain the energy of the people around him, I might diagnosis him as a vampire who sucks the life out of everyone. My acting will be influenced by this understanding and how I relate to the other actors on stage. Or he might be a gay homophobic person who despises gay people, like Roy Cohn, and this understanding will inspire my acting in a different way. Or my character might be so afraid to love, he pushes away love whenever it comes close, so as never to face his fear. I could go on, but I think you get the general idea. It's another way to connect to your character and find your way to his heart.
One of the hardest things to do, and perhaps the most important, is an actor must set aside all judgement against his character and his flaws. The moment you judge your character as being 'bad' or 'disgusting' or 'evil', you've lost the ability to connect and bring him to life. In order to truly understand people, one must be able to look at them without judgement, and see the world through their eyes. If I'm playing a murderer, or a guy like Roy Cohn, I can't hate him, if I do, I can't play him. I have to find something to love about my character, maybe it's the deep pain he feels inside, maybe he feels he can't be who he wants to be because society or his parents looked down upon it, maybe he was abused, whatever it is, I have to find a way to meaningfully connect with the soul of my character and love him, love the part that is wounded or damaged. It's about finding the humanity in all of us, even the most wretched and cruel among us, and allowing this to infuse my work with a sense of deep compassion for the whole of humankind. This is the spiritual work of acting, to bring these large universal truths into the particular life of an individual, and through the course of a great play, communicate the universal from the lives of the particular. When you understand the lives of your characters on deep levels like this, you can't help but change and see the world much differently. All things have a soul. It's my job as an actor to navigate and find the soul of my character and bring this into my work.
The last major and important step is to connect to the theme. This is the main idea, what drives the play, what it is the writer intended to communicate. Once I understand the theme, I hold on to it, and never let it go. Is this story about revenge? The consequences of uncontrollable rage? The destructive power of unrestrained carnal love? The finding of love when all seems lost? The discovery of the power of love to heal? These are just a few examples of what the theme of the play or script might be, and when clearly understood by the actor, it elevates their performance to a whole new level. One of the major theme of Angels in America was the devastating effect AIDS had upon the gay community during the 1980's. No one was immune to the disease, not even a guy like Roy Cohn. Understanding what a person suffering from AIDS goes through, the insufferable pain, the weakness, the wasting away, the hopelessness of it all at that time, gives the actor a chord, a rope, to hold onto throughout the entire performance. With the theme in mind, the play is served.
Acting is a beautiful art form. Great actors are like sculptors of marble except their material is of the spiritual dimension, they are sculptors of the soul. One just has to look at the work of Daniel Day-Lewis, Gary Oldman, or Meryl Streep to see the power, brilliance, and sheer magnificence of the the great sculptors of this art form. Their characters are works of art, on equal footing with the masters of other art forms, and our culture has been enriched by their performances and contributions. All of the great ones have a process similar to the one I described above that is uniquely theirs. Creating a character is the thing we all crave as an actor. We lose our self by becoming this character, and in the process, we discover something new about ourselves. Whenever you live in someone else's shoes, you can't help but explode your own consciousness, your awareness of the world expands, and your capacity to simply love and have compassion for all people grows exponentially. Acting, as do all the art forms, has the capacity to remind us that we are much more connected and on a deeper level than the world of appearances would have us believe.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Investigating our Uninvestigated Thoughts - The Work of Byron Katie
When I came across Byron Katie's book Loving What Is: Four Questions that can Change your Life, I thought to myself, how can only four questions have any impact on the way I think. The way I think is the way I think, and my thoughts are the accumulation of years of programming through the teachings, readings, lectures, movies, television programs, political discussions, speeches, and conversations in various forms and in various settings I've had through the course of a lifetime. My experiences have shaped the way I think and the way I view the world, and often times my thoughts are formulated as a consequence of those particular experiences. Strongly held beliefs become ingrained in us from very early on by the first people we come into contact with, our parents, who help to shape the world we live in and how we relate to the world. Besides our parents, we are influenced by our teachers; relatives; coaches; religious traditions and practices; priests, pastors, or rabbis; our ethnic heritage; the society we were born into; our class; our environment; all these give shape and form to our thoughts and beliefs. We take on these thoughts and beliefs and hold them dear, without ever question why do I believe this, or where did this belief originate. These thoughts over time can imprison us, because as time passes, we change, and what was once true for us no longer seems to be true, or only true in a certain context. Also, with the passing of time, we develop our stories created from our life experiences, and among these varied experiences, we are both the perpetrators and the victims of injury, and those that have injured us, whether it be on a physical, emotional, psychological, and/or spiritual form, leave us scarred and trapped within the story that occurred. It's amazing to me how an event will happen, and although the event is now long past and no longer is in existence, the story of what happened recurs in our minds relentlessly, as if it were happening right now. We get to re-live the pain over and over again in our minds, and our lives get stuck in a hole which we never seem to get out of, and in fact, we dig in deeper because of our thoughts about it. People can hold grudges for a lifetime, for an injury that happened decades ago, and refuse to let go of the pain because they won't allow themselves the opportunity to look at an event in a different way. When these thoughts remain unquestioned, we stay stuck in the past, hold grievances against those who have harmed us in some way, and our lives lose some of the joy and happiness it once had. We look to the past to find comfort and reminisce about times that were good and how much better they were than now, and this brings us pain. What if there was a way to free ourselves from the prison house of our minds and allow us to let go of the thoughts that keep us from being who we really are? In reading Byron Katie's book, and putting it into practice, I sincerely believe there is a way out of our destructive and debilitating thought patterns, and thus, offering us a method of inquiry to return to the joy of life just waiting for us to see it and grasp it.
Thoughts are very powerful. They shape the way we see ourselves, others, and the world. Our thoughts strung together create our story, and this story gives us our identity. Without our story, who would we be? This is what Byron Katie's work is all about. Investigating our thoughts in order to let them let go of us. We all seek for freedom, and the freedom from the thoughts that hold us down would allow us to use this released energy to create the lives we want to live. But we have to do The Work. Briefly, The Work is as follows: You want to write down your judgments about a stressful situation past, present, or future - about a person who troubles you, about a situation that causes you severe distress, someone who angers you, frightens you, saddens you. This is called judge your neighbor (or if its a situation, judge your situation) and you write down your judgments exactly as you think them. "My husband left me" "My wife didn't appreciate me." "My ex-fiance abandoned me." "My friend lied to me." "My sons don't respect me." "My co-workers hate me." These are just some examples. Be as judgmental as you possibly can, be petty, and then put each question up to inquiry which are these four questions: 1. Is it true? 2. Can you absolutely know that this is true? 3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought? 4. Who would you be without that thought? and then, when you've done the four questions, Turn it around, and find three genuine examples of how the turn around is true in your life. Why would you want to do this? By doing the work you will see who you are by the way you see other people. What eventually happens is that you come to understand that everything you see is a reflection of your own thinking. We are the projector of the world we see. The world is our projection. Once we see what we are projecting by the thoughts we are thinking, we can change the story by changing our thoughts. And The Work helps us to do that. As Dr. Wayne Dyer said, "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." Byron Katie's groundbreaking work enables us to see the world as it truly is in reality, without our stories and tortured thoughts, and as a happy consequence, we come to know our beautiful selves.
I thought it would be useful for me to run through one of my examples to show the brilliance and efficacy of this process. I've added some things in the inquiry to deepen my understanding of the thoughts infecting me, which I pulled from Byron Katie's book. Also, I am generalizing the inquiry so that it could be for anyone. I'm including all the insights I discovered through this process which helped to free me from this thought. Please go through this with someone in mind who you feel should do the same thing. There is much to be gained by personalizing it with someone who hurt you, or might have hurt you, so emotionally investing in it is highly suggested. It's the only way we can come to understand ourselves and make peace with our past.
Here's the example: I want (insert name of the person who has caused you pain) to own up to his/her mistakes and apologize to me. Now we put this statement up to inquiry, the four questions, and the turn around.
1. Is it true? Yes
What's the reality? Sometimes this person will deflect or avoid claiming his/her part in whatever might have gone wrong. Specifically, the part he/she played in the event which caused me pain.
How do I know he/she should do this? Because that's what he/she does. He/she deflects, spreads the blame, plays the pity party game (poor-me drama), and refuses to see how his/her actions affected me. He/she just won't see his/her part, and fights tooth and nail to hold on to the position he/she maintains is the truth. He/she has an answer for every point that contradicts his/her point of view and he/she does everything possible to smash and debunk that reality. He/she cannot face the truth, it's too painful. That's the reality. That's what's true.
Whose business is it? Mine or His/Hers? His/Hers. It's not my business whether he/she owns up to his/her mistakes and apologizes or not. He/she is the author of his/her life. I am the author of mine. It's my business to own up to my mistakes and apologize for them.
2. Can I absolutely know that this is true? No
He or she may not be able to do so, and who knows, he or she could be right on some of the issues. Maybe forcing him or her to do something against his/her will would hurt him/her, maybe it would be too much for him/her to deal with right now. That's usually why people don't apologize, it's just too painful to face what they've done. He/she is not ready yet. And, also, only hurt people can hurt, so he/she must have a lot of pain inside of them which has nothing to do with me.
3. How do I react when I believe the thought?
It makes me sad and depressed that he/she can't admit his/her actions caused or brought me pain. I get angry when he/she can't see it or refuses to see it. I close off and shut him/her out. I argue and fight with him/her to show the falsity and error of his/her position. I get caught up in the mire of the details of what happened and I become exasperated by the constant barriers he/she puts up against the truth. It makes me angry when people are not honest and truthful and own up to their mistakes -it's as if they do nothing wrong, and it's all my fault or someone else's fault. It drives me crazy!
Can I see a reason to drop the thought (and please don't try to drop it.)? Yes. All the reason above and the stress it causes me.
Can I find one stress-free reason to keep the thought? No.
4. Who would I be without the thought?
I wouldn't have a past that I thought needed an apology for. Without this thought, I could be free from the weight of wanting something from that person that I may never get. I wouldn't be holding this person to their past mistakes, and I would allow him or her to be who they are in my presence without the need to guilt or shame them for the past wrongs done to me. I would be able to love him/her freely, exactly as he/she is in this moment without any expectations. I'd be free of the pain of having been hurt by this person. I would be free to be me, and I would allow him/her to be who they are in my presence and see the beauty that is there.
Turn around: There are three ways to turn it around: to yourself, to the other, and to the opposite.
1. I want me to own up to my mistakes and apologize to me.
2. I want me to own up to my mistakes and apologize to (insert the name of the person).
3. I don't want (insert name) to own up to his/her mistakes and apologize to me.
At this point, you find three genuine, specific examples of how the turnaround is true in your life for all three ways. When you do this, the insights you discover are subtle, profound, and humbling. Some maybe truer and feel more appropriate than others. Find the one that is most true to you. It's not about feeling bad or blaming someone or feeling guilty. The goal is to find alternatives that can bring you inner peace, and this all starts and ends in our own minds. Finding inner peace is truly liberating, and doing The Work can help us to get there. Also, one of the rewards for doing this self-inquiry is we have a better understanding about how our own mind works.
If you found this example instructive and worthwhile, I highly suggest you buy Byron Katie's book, Loving What Is, and then start doing The Work on your own with your own thoughts. She is a master teacher in showing us how we can escape the suffering in our minds. Her book, and her work is changing the lives of thousands and thousands of people, it is a trans-formative practice, one that can unlock the prison house door holding us prisoner to all of our painful thoughts and memories, and set us free to be who we truly are.
Thoughts are very powerful. They shape the way we see ourselves, others, and the world. Our thoughts strung together create our story, and this story gives us our identity. Without our story, who would we be? This is what Byron Katie's work is all about. Investigating our thoughts in order to let them let go of us. We all seek for freedom, and the freedom from the thoughts that hold us down would allow us to use this released energy to create the lives we want to live. But we have to do The Work. Briefly, The Work is as follows: You want to write down your judgments about a stressful situation past, present, or future - about a person who troubles you, about a situation that causes you severe distress, someone who angers you, frightens you, saddens you. This is called judge your neighbor (or if its a situation, judge your situation) and you write down your judgments exactly as you think them. "My husband left me" "My wife didn't appreciate me." "My ex-fiance abandoned me." "My friend lied to me." "My sons don't respect me." "My co-workers hate me." These are just some examples. Be as judgmental as you possibly can, be petty, and then put each question up to inquiry which are these four questions: 1. Is it true? 2. Can you absolutely know that this is true? 3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought? 4. Who would you be without that thought? and then, when you've done the four questions, Turn it around, and find three genuine examples of how the turn around is true in your life. Why would you want to do this? By doing the work you will see who you are by the way you see other people. What eventually happens is that you come to understand that everything you see is a reflection of your own thinking. We are the projector of the world we see. The world is our projection. Once we see what we are projecting by the thoughts we are thinking, we can change the story by changing our thoughts. And The Work helps us to do that. As Dr. Wayne Dyer said, "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." Byron Katie's groundbreaking work enables us to see the world as it truly is in reality, without our stories and tortured thoughts, and as a happy consequence, we come to know our beautiful selves.
I thought it would be useful for me to run through one of my examples to show the brilliance and efficacy of this process. I've added some things in the inquiry to deepen my understanding of the thoughts infecting me, which I pulled from Byron Katie's book. Also, I am generalizing the inquiry so that it could be for anyone. I'm including all the insights I discovered through this process which helped to free me from this thought. Please go through this with someone in mind who you feel should do the same thing. There is much to be gained by personalizing it with someone who hurt you, or might have hurt you, so emotionally investing in it is highly suggested. It's the only way we can come to understand ourselves and make peace with our past.
Here's the example: I want (insert name of the person who has caused you pain) to own up to his/her mistakes and apologize to me. Now we put this statement up to inquiry, the four questions, and the turn around.
1. Is it true? Yes
What's the reality? Sometimes this person will deflect or avoid claiming his/her part in whatever might have gone wrong. Specifically, the part he/she played in the event which caused me pain.
How do I know he/she should do this? Because that's what he/she does. He/she deflects, spreads the blame, plays the pity party game (poor-me drama), and refuses to see how his/her actions affected me. He/she just won't see his/her part, and fights tooth and nail to hold on to the position he/she maintains is the truth. He/she has an answer for every point that contradicts his/her point of view and he/she does everything possible to smash and debunk that reality. He/she cannot face the truth, it's too painful. That's the reality. That's what's true.
Whose business is it? Mine or His/Hers? His/Hers. It's not my business whether he/she owns up to his/her mistakes and apologizes or not. He/she is the author of his/her life. I am the author of mine. It's my business to own up to my mistakes and apologize for them.
2. Can I absolutely know that this is true? No
He or she may not be able to do so, and who knows, he or she could be right on some of the issues. Maybe forcing him or her to do something against his/her will would hurt him/her, maybe it would be too much for him/her to deal with right now. That's usually why people don't apologize, it's just too painful to face what they've done. He/she is not ready yet. And, also, only hurt people can hurt, so he/she must have a lot of pain inside of them which has nothing to do with me.
3. How do I react when I believe the thought?
It makes me sad and depressed that he/she can't admit his/her actions caused or brought me pain. I get angry when he/she can't see it or refuses to see it. I close off and shut him/her out. I argue and fight with him/her to show the falsity and error of his/her position. I get caught up in the mire of the details of what happened and I become exasperated by the constant barriers he/she puts up against the truth. It makes me angry when people are not honest and truthful and own up to their mistakes -it's as if they do nothing wrong, and it's all my fault or someone else's fault. It drives me crazy!
Can I see a reason to drop the thought (and please don't try to drop it.)? Yes. All the reason above and the stress it causes me.
Can I find one stress-free reason to keep the thought? No.
4. Who would I be without the thought?
I wouldn't have a past that I thought needed an apology for. Without this thought, I could be free from the weight of wanting something from that person that I may never get. I wouldn't be holding this person to their past mistakes, and I would allow him or her to be who they are in my presence without the need to guilt or shame them for the past wrongs done to me. I would be able to love him/her freely, exactly as he/she is in this moment without any expectations. I'd be free of the pain of having been hurt by this person. I would be free to be me, and I would allow him/her to be who they are in my presence and see the beauty that is there.
Turn around: There are three ways to turn it around: to yourself, to the other, and to the opposite.
1. I want me to own up to my mistakes and apologize to me.
2. I want me to own up to my mistakes and apologize to (insert the name of the person).
3. I don't want (insert name) to own up to his/her mistakes and apologize to me.
At this point, you find three genuine, specific examples of how the turnaround is true in your life for all three ways. When you do this, the insights you discover are subtle, profound, and humbling. Some maybe truer and feel more appropriate than others. Find the one that is most true to you. It's not about feeling bad or blaming someone or feeling guilty. The goal is to find alternatives that can bring you inner peace, and this all starts and ends in our own minds. Finding inner peace is truly liberating, and doing The Work can help us to get there. Also, one of the rewards for doing this self-inquiry is we have a better understanding about how our own mind works.
If you found this example instructive and worthwhile, I highly suggest you buy Byron Katie's book, Loving What Is, and then start doing The Work on your own with your own thoughts. She is a master teacher in showing us how we can escape the suffering in our minds. Her book, and her work is changing the lives of thousands and thousands of people, it is a trans-formative practice, one that can unlock the prison house door holding us prisoner to all of our painful thoughts and memories, and set us free to be who we truly are.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Nothing like family
Last weekend, I attended my cousin's wedding in Colorado. The weather was chilly and cold, so the ceremony had to be moved inside where everyone could stay warm and dry. In typical fashion, my brother, sister, nephews and I were running late, and so we arrived just as the wedding party was moving down the center aisle in between the tables set up for the reception which was to take place afterwards. We quietly entered through the kitchen area and stood by the bar as we watched the ceremony take place. Across from us on the other side of the reception hall sat the entire family from my mother's side, and we waved to some of them as they turned their heads to see who had just come in. My youngest brother was standing as an usher in the wedding, and just happened to be positioned in the back of the hall where we entered. It had been awhile since all of us had been out together as a family, and to be surrounded by all of our extended relatives, it was impossible not to feel good and connected to what is most important.
I am very close to my sister and brothers. I feel fortunate to have them in my life. Every time I see them I can't help but feel buoyant and elated, and wanting to spend as much quality time with them as possible. They bring out the best in me (most of the time), and the love I feel for them swells and runs over whenever I'm around them. No matter what is going on in their lives, I know they'll be there for me if I'm down, and they know I'll be there for them. And that's what families are for, to ground us to what's most important, which is the love that we share for one another. Mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters, nephews and nieces, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, these are our life long assignments. These relationships last a lifetime, the family you are born into was chosen for you (or you chose them, depending on what you believe), because the people in those families offer you the perfect opportunity to evolve to your highest potential. They teach you life lessons, sometimes these lessons are painful and destructive, especially if there is abuse involved, or illness, or dysfunctional behavioral patterns, but it's all geared and organized towards our highest good. We just have to discover what it is. This is not always easy, and can take a lifetime to learn. Sometimes we lose touch with our parents, or siblings, or create feuds that can last for decades, but behind this pain, anger, and confusion, are lessons we are intended to learn so that we can grow in love and expand our understanding and awareness of what it means to be human.
Whenever we are around family, we reconnect to the source of our earthly existence. All of our ancestors are present with us, for without them, we would not have been. They stand beside us as we hug our aunt, or hold a conversation with our uncle, or reminisce about our past follies with our cousin. They look on tenderly from beyond, and smile with gratitude that their family still comes together, to share all that is good between them. I'm fortunate to have a family whose love is unconditional. You can see it in their eyes, in their gestures, in their smiles, and for a few hours, all the troubles we all may be having in our respective lives is forgotten, and we get to celebrate the life we have and the life we share.
The wedding was beautiful, and the celebration afterwards was even better. We drank, we laughed, we caught up with each others' lives, we reminisced about old times, and we comforted each other in the losses we experienced. Family has a way of resetting the button for us because we remember who we are and where we came from, and why life is so worth living. I am truly blessed to have such a wonderful, kind, generous, and loving family.
And finally, I want to say something to my sister and her son, my brother and his son, and my youngest brother: No matter where you are, no matter what you do, no matter how high or low you go (preferably high, though, go high!), I'll be there. You are enough just the way you are.
I am very close to my sister and brothers. I feel fortunate to have them in my life. Every time I see them I can't help but feel buoyant and elated, and wanting to spend as much quality time with them as possible. They bring out the best in me (most of the time), and the love I feel for them swells and runs over whenever I'm around them. No matter what is going on in their lives, I know they'll be there for me if I'm down, and they know I'll be there for them. And that's what families are for, to ground us to what's most important, which is the love that we share for one another. Mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters, nephews and nieces, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, these are our life long assignments. These relationships last a lifetime, the family you are born into was chosen for you (or you chose them, depending on what you believe), because the people in those families offer you the perfect opportunity to evolve to your highest potential. They teach you life lessons, sometimes these lessons are painful and destructive, especially if there is abuse involved, or illness, or dysfunctional behavioral patterns, but it's all geared and organized towards our highest good. We just have to discover what it is. This is not always easy, and can take a lifetime to learn. Sometimes we lose touch with our parents, or siblings, or create feuds that can last for decades, but behind this pain, anger, and confusion, are lessons we are intended to learn so that we can grow in love and expand our understanding and awareness of what it means to be human.
Whenever we are around family, we reconnect to the source of our earthly existence. All of our ancestors are present with us, for without them, we would not have been. They stand beside us as we hug our aunt, or hold a conversation with our uncle, or reminisce about our past follies with our cousin. They look on tenderly from beyond, and smile with gratitude that their family still comes together, to share all that is good between them. I'm fortunate to have a family whose love is unconditional. You can see it in their eyes, in their gestures, in their smiles, and for a few hours, all the troubles we all may be having in our respective lives is forgotten, and we get to celebrate the life we have and the life we share.
The wedding was beautiful, and the celebration afterwards was even better. We drank, we laughed, we caught up with each others' lives, we reminisced about old times, and we comforted each other in the losses we experienced. Family has a way of resetting the button for us because we remember who we are and where we came from, and why life is so worth living. I am truly blessed to have such a wonderful, kind, generous, and loving family.
And finally, I want to say something to my sister and her son, my brother and his son, and my youngest brother: No matter where you are, no matter what you do, no matter how high or low you go (preferably high, though, go high!), I'll be there. You are enough just the way you are.
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