PTSD in History and Literature

Is PTSD a modern phenomenon advanced by our greater understanding of the psychology of the mind and how traumas affect people or can Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder be found elsewhere in man's history?  If so, where would a person begin to look for evidence of the truth of this emotional and psychological disorder?  This was my task this week as I wanted to learn if others throughout history might be able to report to us from their time whether men and women were experiencing similar reactions to traumatic events in their worlds.  It was an enormous task, one that I thought would take me weeks to compile and pull all the information together.  Fortunately though, others have already done the work for me, and with much gratitude and honor to them for putting in the time and effort to bring man's history of PTSD together, I use their materials as a reference and guide to educate those who have little understanding or awareness of the startling impact PTSD has had on the lives of millions of people in the course of man's history.

Again, I think it is important to refresh our memories on what PTSD is.  Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, according to the American Psychiatric Association, is an anxiety (emotional) disorder which arises from a particular incident evoking significant stress.  This stress severely impacts and damages the 'Fight-or-Flight' response in a person who is experiencing the effects of trauma.  When in danger, it is natural to feel afraid.  The body makes many split-second changes to prepare to defend against or avoid the danger that is life-threatening.  This 'fight-or-flight' response is a healthy reaction meant to protect the person from harm.  In PTSD, this reaction is changed or damaged.  People who have PTSD may feel stressed, frightened, or anxious even when they are no longer in danger.  PTSD's common characteristics are: re-experiencing of the trauma in thought, feeling or in dreams, which is further evidenced by the individual taking steps to psychologically and emotionally numb themselves from the event (this can take many forms, for example, substance abuse).  Other symptoms to look for: feelings of strong guilt and depression; feeling emotionally numb; loss of interest in work or activities once enjoyable in the past; anger; feeling tense or on "edge"; having difficultly sleeping; cynicism and distrust of others; memory loss of past events; alienation and isolation from others.  There are other symptoms, but these are the big ones.

I also want to point out that anyone can get PTSD at any age.  This includes war veterans, survivors of physical and sexual assault, or abuse.  Children can get PTSD from dysfunctional parents or from bullies.  PTSD can occur from emotionally or physically abusive relationships, accidents, disasters, and many other traumatic events.  In fact, most people in our society are walking around with some form of PTSD and are not even aware of it.  Not everyone with PTSD has been through a dangerous event.  Some people get PTSD after a friend or family member experiences danger or harm (say, for instance, a son or daughter fighting in war, or being sent to prison).  Just thinking about what could be happening to someone we love who is in harms way can bring on a case of PTSD.  The mind doesn't know the difference if what you are experiencing is real or imaginary   Constantly thinking about it, changes the way our brains work and function.  That's why our thoughts are so important and learning how to interrupt those thoughts before they trigger the re-experiencing of the trauma is critical to recovery.  PTSD can be found among survivors of the Holocaust; of major natural disasters like earthquakes or tsunamis; of tragedies like 9/11; of car or train accidents; and, of course, combat.  Some people get PTSD after the sudden and unexpected death of a loved one.  Even some of the television shows and movies we watch can throw us into trauma because of their horrific and brutal level of violence.  Surprising isn't it?

Now, let's take a look at the historical evidence of PTSD (below I reference the articles where I found this bounty of information.  I encourage all of you to read it, especially Steve Bentley's article, of which I will tag a link to the Vietnam Veteran's of America's website):

• Nearly 3000 years ago, a combat veteran from Egypt described his feelings before going into battle.  His name was Hori.  "You determine to go forward...Shuddering seizes you, the hair on your head stands on end, your soul lies in your hand." [1]
• The Greek Historian Herodotus wrote a lot about PTSD experienced by the Greeks of that time.  In the Battle of Marathon in 490 B.C., he cites an Athenian soldier who went blind when the soldier next to him was killed, even though the blinded soldier "was wounded in no part of his body."  Herodotus also reports that Leonidas dismissed many of the troops before the battle of Thermopylae because he recognized they were psychologically worn down from too much fighting.  "They had no heart for the fight and were unable to take their share in the danger." [1]
• Homer's epic poems 'The Iliad' and 'The Odyssey' deal with the effects of war both during the battle and the long journey home.  In 'The Iliad', Ajax goes mad, slaughters a bunch of sheep he thought were the enemy, and then commits suicide.  One could argue Ajax was under the influence of PTSD.  Achillies slaughters hundreds of Trojans after the death of his friend Patroclus in battle.  Clearly, the lines of morality and humanity have been blurred by the wrath and the desire for savage retribution experienced as a consequence of the horrors and pains of war.  In 'The Odyssey', Odysseus suffers from PTSD, takes a 10 year journey, fraught with challenges and trials, as he tries to return home and re-integrate himself back into a world that is both familiar and foreign to him.  Both these epic poems echo the same loss, anger, and guilt that have wounded soldiers for generations. 
• The playwright Sophocles wrote two plays 2,500 years ago that began to explore the effects war was having on the minds of those who fought them.  The two plays: "Ajax" and "Philoctetes".  Amazingly, Sophocles was already talking about the thousand yard stare, and using words like 'shell-shocked.'
• In 1003 A.D., The Anglo Saxon Chronicle reported that the English commander Alfred, during the battle between the English and the Danes, became so violently ill that he began to vomit and was not able to lead his men. [1]
• Shakespeare described PTSD very accurately in his play 1 Henry IV.  In Act II, scene iii, Lady Persy questions her husband Henry Persy as to what is troubling him.  She tells him what she has observed: that he doesn't sleep; that his eyes are bent to the earth; that he is prone to melancholy; in his sleep, he murmurs "tales of iron wars" and she watches him in the throws of his nightmares.

The spirit within thee hath been so at war, 

 And thus hath so bestirr'd thee in thy sleep, 

That beads of sweat have stood upon thy brow, 

Like bubbles in a late-disturbed stream, 

And in thy face strange motions have appear'd, 

Such as we see when men restrain their breath 

On some great sudden hest.

• To show you that PTSD is not limited to the war experience, there is the account of Samuel Pepys who lived in London in the 1600's and survived the Great Fire of London in 1666.  In his diary of the event, he says he was unable to sleep for days after the fire.  "Both sleeping and waking, and such fear of fire in my heart, that I took little rest." [1]  He goes on to say a couple weeks later, "[M]uch terrified in the nights nowadays, with dreams of fire and falling down of houses."[1] 
• The American Civil War heralded in the dawn of modern warfare.  Soldiers were exposed to repeating rifles and pistols, the Gatlin gun, and delayed artillery rounds that burst in the air.  The immediate consequence of the evolution of military warfare technology was the dramatic increase in the psychological injury done to the soldiers in the field.  Men were collapsing from emotional illness when they returned home, even though they had shown no symptoms when they were on the front lines.  Military physicians were at a loss on how to treat the ever increasing problems, and would simply send the most extreme cases back home on a train with no supervision, with only their name of their home town or state pinned to their tunics.  Richard A. Gabriel, a former consultant to the Senate and House Armed Services Committees and one of the foremost chroniclers of PTSD, reported "others were left to wander about the countryside until they died from exposure or starvation." [1]  By 1863, the number of insane soldiers simply wandering about the countryside was so great, there was a public outcry to do something about it.  In response, the military established its first hospital for the insane, the most common diagnosis was for 'nostalgia', 'soldier's heart', or 'exhausted heart', what we today refer to as PTSD. [1]
• Charles Dickens was involved in a railway accident on June 9, 1865 where the front of the train plunged off a bridge under repair in which 10 people died and another 49 were injured.  Dickens wrote in letters to people after the accident describing the horrific scene and what he had witnessed and the lingering effects of the trauma that debilitated him.  He wrote that he was "unsteady," unable to concentrate on his writings, and had this constant fear of riding in trains because he kept imagining and feeling that the train was tipping over on its side.  Dickens was never as prolific a writer after this incident. [1] [2]
• For WWI and WWII, the numbers of men who suffered from psychiatric casualties is staggering.  During WWI, almost 2 million men were sent to fight overseas.  116,516 died in the war, another 204,000 were wounded.  159,000 soldiers were kept out of action because of mental or emotional disturbance, and nearly half of these (70,000) were permanently discharged. [1]  Between the wars, psychiatrists continued to believe this emotional and psychological collapse was rooted in men who were weak in character.  So, they began to more thoroughly screen the people entering the military, thinking that if they weeded out the weak in character, this would solve the problem.  They were wrong.  "In World War II, the ratio of rear-area support troops to combat troops was twelve to one.  In the four years of the war, no more than 800,000 soldiers saw direct combat, and of these, 37.5 percent became such serious psychiatric cases, they were permanently discharged.  In the U.S. Army alone (not counting Army air crews) 504,000 men were lost to the fight for psychiatric reasons.  Another 1,393,000 suffered symptoms serious enough to debilitate them for some period." [1]  Clearly, as these numbers indicate, it was not just the "weak" who broke down in war.  The military finally started to realize that "every man has his breaking point".[3]
• In Korea, 1,587,040 served.  33,629 were killed in combat and 103,284 were wounded.  Of the 198,380 who were actually in combat, 24.2 percent suffered from PTSD. [1]
• In Vietnam, there were 2.8 million who served.  According to the Research Triangle Institute's Vietnam readjustment study, approximately 480,000 of those who served have full blown PTSD and another 350,000 have partial PTSD.[1]
• The Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America, a nonprofit and nonpartisan organization for the veterans of our current wars, states 2.4 million people have served in these wars.  According to the National Veterans Foundation, when I spoke with them several months ago, they told me 20-35 percent of those who've served or are serving have some form of PTSD.    

When you look at this, truly look at how PTSD has affected the lives of millions of people throughout history,  including our own present day, it's no wonder this is all coming to a head to be examined, understood, and healed for humanity.  And this list doesn't take into account all the millions of people affected by accidents, disasters, emotional or physical abuse, family traumas, or secondary PTSD.  When looked at from this larger perspective, it's staggering how many unknown millions have been affected by it.  There are so many of us today who are walking around with it or have been influenced by it on some level.

Mankind is at a crossroads.  We will end war in our time, or war will end us.  It's that simple.  I don't know how war and peace can co-exist.  Our weapons are too sophisticated, our technology too advanced.  We have harnessed the power of the atom, and with just the push of a button, we can wipe out humanity for good.  Conflict doesn't necessarily mean violence, but that's what we have defined it as, and our history shows it.  There has to be a better way to deal with the conflicts in our lives than to resort to war and violence as the answer.  Whenever war or violence has been used, it is opposed to everything life is for, and diminishes our capacity to live our lives as they were meant to be lived.  We become trapped in the endless cycles of pain and trauma that plague the collective and individual consciousness of those that came before us and those with us today.  To truly break free and learn from the past, what all those souls before us are screaming at us to look at is not to go psychically numb to the truths of war and violence.  The truth may hurt, but it sure is a lot better than lying to ourselves that we were not affected by the traumatic events in our lives.  When we see the truth clearly, and have not numbed ourselves to our own pain and suffering, we open ourselves up to making better choices in the present and for the future, so as not to put others through the same experiences we went through.  But we can't get there unless we re-frame the nature of conflict.

Conflict is a rite of passage and helps you to grow tools.  As any good storyteller knows, you have to put your protagonist in a series of escalating conflicts which stretches him to his limits, tests him in ways he could never have imagined, reaching the climax where he is confronted with the ultimate challenge, and then, at the end of the story, the protagonist is redeemed.  The main character is better for having gone through the experience.  He has become better as a consequence of going through this journey.  He has earned what he has gained.  Whatever your story may be, the conflicts that have colored your life are the very experiences you needed to gain the tools to become better than you were before.  We all get to choose how we allow the traumas in our lives to influence us.  If we suppress them, they come back to us in another form asking for us to look at them.  Nothing goes away until we have learned everything we need to learn from it.  Wherever we have been wounded, no matter how deep, there is a gift behind it.  Conflict stresses us. Sometimes it constricts, confines, and squeezes us to the point where we think we can't take it anymore, where we feel we can't go on, and then, amazingly, comes the period of growth and expansion.  The conflict forced us to break out of our way of being, to re-evaluate who we are and who we'd like to become.  And this process occurs not only with individuals, but in our communities, societies, and nations as a whole.

Seeing conflict as a rite of passage neutralizes the negative connotations we have associated with it.  Ironically, without conflict, we do not grow, and we do not learn the tools that would get us to where we want to be, and who we want to become.

What does the history of PTSD show us?  It shows us that people have suffered enormously over the many centuries because of traumas, whether it be war, accidents, disasters, emotionally or physically abusive relationships, family traumas, etc.  It's time we stop turning our backs, look at it for what it is, and learn the lessons all these many millions want to teach us.  We must find a way to heal PTSD within ourselves, so that we stop the cycles of traumas that plague our lives and the lives of our loved ones, and stop it from being passed down to future generations.  We must learn to remove violence from our association with the nature of conflict, and see the value conflict brings into our lives for our growth and evolution.  And lastly, it shows us the insanity of war.  How sane men go insane because of what they see and experience.  The casualties of war go far beyond those left on the battlefield, and until we as a society, as a world community, decide we will finally eradicate the greatest cause of PTSD throughout all time, war, those casualties will continue to mount.
        

      
References
1.  Bentley, S. (2005).  Short History of PTSD: From Thermopylae to Hue soldiers have always had a disturbing reaction to war.  Vietnam Veterans of America: The Veteran.  Retrieved from http://www.vva.org/archive/TheVeteran/2005_03/feature_HistoryPTSD.htm
2.  http://io9.com/5898560/from-irritable-heart-to-shellshock-how-post+traumatic-stress-became-a-disease
3.  http://historyofptsd.wordpress.com/
4.  https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/wiki/history-of-posttraumatic-stress-disorder/
5.  http://www.nbcnews.com/id/26203463/#.UU9m_RyG1ic
6.  www.iava.org

PTSD and the Movies

Film, theater, literature, and poetry are among the forms of expression that allow the artist to explore the compelling issues of their lives.  At it's most fundamental level, these art forms are windows into the emotions, feelings, and impulses that fill up the landscape of both our conscious and unconscious human experiences.  In addition, art in its creation, development, performance, and enjoyment, can be just as healing to the human psyche as are psychotherapy or holistic-based life training programs.  Films, in particular, reach a wider audience, and have the power to affect change and the healing of deeply rooted issues that have troubled humanity for centuries.  With movies, great movies, we're able to see stories unfold before our eyes, watch as the hero or heroine is confronted with a challenge that needs to be fixed, they face an antagonist, sometimes its a person, sometimes its a condition like PTSD or schizophrenia, or it could be nature or technology or society.  The drama unfolds with an inciting incident, the protagonist goes through a series of conflicts which increase in danger and suspension until the final climax and subsequent resolution.  At the end of the movie, there is a reclamation of character, the protagonist has undergone a profound change, he or she is better for the experience, and there has been an advancement in the understanding of the human experience for both the character on the screen and the audience watching it.  Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder has been among the issues films have brought to light to reflect back to society the human impact this dis-connective disorder does to human beings faced with life-threatening, dangerous, or emotionally traumatizing events.  Although sometimes sensationalized and exaggerated, the point of these films was to look at these problems from all angles in order to understand it more clearly, and communicate the profound impact it has on the lives of those it touches and how it can positively or negatively affect them.

The Vietnam-era produced a number of memorable films that dealt with this issue.  Two of my favorites are 'Apocalypse Now' and 'The Deer Hunter.'  In 'Apocalypse Now', a movie based on the novella 'Heart of Darkness' by Joseph Conrad,  Marlon Brando's character, Colonel Walter E. Kurtz, suffers from an extreme case of PTSD in which he had become so numb to the horrors of the war he's witnessed and been apart of, he no longer is able to feel any compassion or empathy for the people around him.  The sheer brutality of war, - the killing, the torturing, the maiming, - destroyed in this man his humanity.  He was a model officer, one of the best, and yet, the darkness of the soul had consumed him, numbed him.  He became ruthless, cold, and killed without a conscience.  In one of the films most famous scenes, he extols the strengths of being able to kill without a conscience:
   

     "You have to have men who are moral...and at the same time who are able to utilize their primordial instincts to kill without feeling...without passion...without judgment...without judgment!  Because its judgment that defeats us."

I find it ironic that this monologue was one of the first monologues I chose to do when I first started studying to become a professional actor.  This particular film demonstrated vividly the moral ambiguities of war and how it unleashes all that is dark within man.  Many consider this to be the best film of the Vietnam era about the Vietnam war.  That's debate-able,  but it certainly shined a mirror back to society about the truths of war we would be happy never to have discovered.

'The Deer Hunter' showed another side of the emotional and psychological impact war has on combat veterans and the people that love them.  Whereas 'Apocalypse Now' is surreal, 'The Deer Hunter' is more of a parable.  It shows how three different men are affected with PTSD and how they respond after the trauma they experienced in war.  The film stars Robert De Niro, Christopher Walken, John Savage, Meryl Streep, John Cazale, and George Dzundza.  De Niro, Walken, and Savage play the trio of Russian immigrant steel workers (Michael, Nick, and Steven) from Clariton, Pennsylvania who get sent to Vietnam and are captured by the North Vietnamese and held prisoner in a riverside prisoner of war camp.  Each of the men are forced to play Russian roulette for the entertainment of the sadistic guards.  In one of the most intense scenes ever filmed (my opinion), Michael and Nick are matched up against one another with three bullets in the gun.  The performances are absolutely brilliant.  To me, the roulette game symbolized in such an extreme circumstance the horror, senselessness, and brutality of war; it's deliberate and random acts of violence; how sane men are forced to play it, some by choice, some not; and finally, it reflected the tremendous psychological damage war cruelly inflicts on the individual.

After this extraordinarily traumatic event, none of the men are ever the same, and all three suffer from PTSD.  Michael (De Niro's character), returned home, maintained a low profile, avoided the party being thrown by his friends in the town, and told the cab driver to take him to a motel.  The scene where De Niro is all alone in the motel, squatting down with his hands between his legs, to me, is so powerful.  Whenever I watch this film, this scene always moves me to tears, and now, after my own experience with PTSD, I can relate to it more than ever.  I can feel De Niro's character Michael struggling with his feelings.  He's all alone, isolated, disconnected, alienated from the rest of the world, and tormented about what happened to his friends (he doesn't know at this point if his friends are alive or missing).  Later in the movie, Michael goes hunting with his friends from the town.  After a long hike up in the mountains by himself, he comes up upon this beautiful buck, has him in his sights, but at the last minute, pulls up and fires in the air.  He screams out "OK!", and the sound echoes throughout the valley.  Michael can no longer take another innocent life.  At the end of the movie, the tragedy reaches its climax, as Michael is back in Vietnam, right before it falls in 1975, to bring Nick back home.  When Michael finds him in a crowded Russian roulette club where men take bets to see who will die first from the gunshot, Nick's mind is completely gone, he has no recollection of his former self. He's a pawn in these men's games for money, he can no longer feel pain, grief, joy, etc., and he has become emotionally numb to death, both for others and himself.  Michael sets up a game with him, in a last ditch effort to entice Nick to remember who he was, and to come back home to his friends and family.  You can see the love Michael has for Nick, how he's willing to sacrifice his own life to save him, and, at the same time, it is so painful to see Nick totally, completely disconnected mentally and emotionally from his friend.  At the very end of the scene, Nick, as he's about to raise the gun to his head, is stopped by Michael, who pleads one last time not to do this.  Michael desperately tries to jog Nick's memory about home, and Nick recalls "one shot."  There is a brief moment where the two connect, there is a remembrance on the part of Nick of a distant, innocent past long forgotten and you see it in his eyes.  But its too late.  Neither the love of his family and friends back home waiting for him, or the golden memories of his youthful, innocent past, or the woman waiting for him back home, or the best friend who came back for him against all odds is enough to prevent him from pushing off Michael's arm, raising the gun to his temple, and blowing his head off.      

This last scene is so powerful and agonizing to watch.  The masterful performances of both De Niro and Walken is heartbreaking.  Although it's view point is one-sided, 'The Deer Hunter' exposed brilliantly the psychological and emotional consequences of combat PTSD, and how it destroys and disfigures the lives of those it touches.  It is an emotionally shattering film.  

These two movies, along with several others like 'Coming Home' (1978), 'Return of the Soldier' (1982), and 'Born on the Fourth of July' (1989), really grapple with the complex inner mindset of combat veterans who've experienced the trauma of war and are doing their best to cope with it.  Characters in all these movies clearly exhibit the classical symptoms of PTSD such as: uncontrollable anger, emotional distancing and numbing; hyperarousal responses; denial; isolation and avoidance; substance abuse; and an interest in recreating traumatic events in their own lives.  But these are not the only movies which deal with PTSD.  There are others that show how PTSD can affect and destroy the lives of those affected by family traumas, emotional and/or physical abuse, or horrible accidents.  'Ordinary People' (1980) clearly and most heartrendingly showed how the unexpected death of a loved one brought about the total disintegration of a family.  The son who survived a boating accident where the older brother was killed, suffered from extreme PTSD and survivor's guilt, and the audience gets to painfully see how a person can become so haunted by the past because he blames himself for what happened, that his present life can be very difficult to manage and navigate.  I most certainly related to this one.  Other films of importance that have dealt with PTSD: 'Good Will Hunting (1998), 'Saving Private Ryan' (1998),  'White Oleander' (2002), 'Mystic River' (2003), and 'Reign Over Me' (2007).

Another film was brought to my attention as I was doing my research whose central character suffered from PTSD at an early age, and later turned that tragedy into his calling to serve others.  The movie is 'Batman Begins'.  Surprised?  I was.  Bruce Wayne was motivated by the tragic death of his parents that he witnessed as a child to take the law into his own hands and seek the means to fight injustice.  He studied the arts of stealth and fear, and then used what he learned to turn it around for good.  In fact, most of the characters in Batman, both heroes and villains, have experienced great tragedies in their lives which has turned them all into these freaks.  But what separates the heroes from the villains is what they did with the trauma they experienced and how it would direct their lives. The heroes chose to make their traumas as motivation to become champions of humanity, whereas the villains used their traumas as motivation to become bitter, angry, and to seek revenge against humanity.  So, even our beloved comic book heroes have to overcome great challenges like PTSD in order to become who they eventually become.

As an actor, not only do I look at all these amazing films and recognize the tremendous impact they have had on our society, but I also recognize the tremendous gift my experience with PTSD has given me.  Roles I might not have been able to play, I can play now, roles that require an experience and understanding of deep anguish, trauma, and pain.  I can now go to those raw, brutal, agonizing places which tears out the heart and crushes the human spirit, and do it with aplomb.   I can now connect to the truth of the experience of any character who has experienced any of the traumas I described in the films above, and also the one's I didn't, and play those roles truthfully, authentically, and convincingly.  Great pain can often lead to great works of art, whether you are an actor, writer, painter, musician, sculptor, or whatever your particular art form.  It lends itself to beauty, as the pain can be transformed into something beautiful.  An actor, a great actor, must have access to all the emotions and feelings that encompass human existence, and be able to translate those emotions and feelings into the character he portrays, with ease and effortlessness.  Without the full experience of those feelings and emotions, it is difficult to authentically connect to your character in his situation and circumstances, and the performances can lack depth, subtlety, and vulnerability.  But those who can, leave us with memorable performances that stay with us for a lifetime, and impact society in ways that transforms and inspires.  As a consequence of my intimate, lengthy, and excruciatingly painful experience with PTSD, I now have access to all my emotions and feelings, the light and the dark, and can play heroes, villains, and all those in between with a sense of love and compassion for whatever situations they are in.  I know how paralyzing traumas can be, how it negatively impacts every area of your life, and how it corrupts and disfigures the person who experiences it.  I understand the rage of pain, and the extreme vulnerability that lies underneath.  I understand when faced with a choice, to turn the pain into something good, or to choose to go the other way, I know what that moment, what that feeling is like, and that will certainly influence my work in profound ways.  Does that mean I'll put in a performance as memorable as Brando or De Niro?  Not necessarily.  Just because I've experienced PTSD to its fullest doesn't guarantee a brilliant performance, and as any actor knows, you have to be the right person in the right place at the right time.  My job is to be ready when the roles come, and when they do come, whether in movies, tv series', or plays, I will have an infinite well to draw from.      

PTSD and children

Lately, I've been wondering why some people experience intense hardships and traumas and others do not.  For whatever reason, these experiences are brought upon a person throughout the course of their lives and never seem to go away until they finally face it and see what it is.  In most families, there are many family patterns that are passed down from generation to generation: customs, traditions, religion, biases, prejudices, as well as the framework for how we experience our lives.  Traumas get passed down too.  Children who witness abuse or violence in the home, say for instance, a woman who repeatedly gets involved with abusive men, will often repeat these relationship patterns when they're older until they either become a victim to the same abusive patterns their parents had, or they finally take a stand and start asking the deep questions to uncover the darkness within.  When a man or a woman finds themselves in the midst of crippling traumatic events, they question from the very depths of their being, 'Why did this come to me??'  Their lives come to a screeching halt, the way they are living seems so disconnected to the world around them because they've been placed by situation, choice, and circumstance, to confront what for generations has not been confronted and it has fallen on their shoulders to bring clarity and healing to deeply rooted challenges that has disrupted the harmony, balance, and quality of their lives and the lives of their loved ones.  Most of the time, the person who is doing the asking is so involved in the trauma they are not personally receiving the benefit of their own asking.  Life is moving all around them while they appear to be standing still.  And yet, because those people are asking the deep questions, and seeking the answers to those questions, the future generations, or even the present generations who are not blocking the receiving the seeker is giving, are receiving the benefit of that person's asking.  It takes great courage to face the truth, and understand why things evolved the way they did.  The only way to reverse the trajectory of the histories of pain in-bedded within families, is to get to the root cause of the problem, shine a light on it, pull it out, and then let the light behind it come in.  Darkness doesn't go away by keeping it hidden in the dark.  Darkness goes away when you turn on the Light.

I recognize now that I have been influenced by some form of PTSD all my life.  I've had this secret love affair with it from the moment I was born.  It's something my family had, almost like it was genetically encoded into our family's DNA.  Even though there were many years where life was very good, particularly my high school and college years, this problem lurked in the shadows, just waiting for the right time to revel itself and throw everything upside-down in my life.  How many generations back this goes, I don't know, but something in me tells me this goes back at least 7 generations.  I even coaxed PTSD into my life by getting in trouble in the Air Force, which kept me locked up in the past for making what I believed was an unforgivable mistake, and thus I was riddled with guilt and shame for over a decade for the actions I'd done in my past.  Was PTSD experienced on both sides of my family?  Yes, although details on my mother's side are not as obvious as on my father's side.   What I do know is that my grandfather had it.  I'm pretty sure my father had it, and I know I certainly had it.  But, I don't see that as a negative, not now anyway.  See, my grandfather had to do what he had to do, my father had to do what he had to do, my family had to do what they had to do,and my ex-fiance had to do what she had to do, in order to get me into a position where I could heal this and receive the healing.  I've done it.  That's why this is so important to me.  It's personal.

I want to talk to you a little about the effects PTSD has on children, and why it's so important to recognize what some of the symptoms are so you can take appropriate action to avert some of the long-term consequences if it goes untreated.  According to an article written on the Family-Of-a-Vet website by Brannan Vines, the wife of an OIF veteran, 39% of those who live with a veteran suffering from PTSD will develop secondary PTSD.  Children are particularly affected by this, especially in their most formative stages when they are absorbing everything like a sponge.  Young children don't understand what's going on or why their parent is reactive, aggressive, or distant, and will often blame themselves for their parent's PTSD outburst.  Along with that, children who suffer from secondary PTSD can become extremely depressed or sad or filled with anxiety; they can become lonely, and withdrawal from loved ones; they can engage in self-destructive behaviors and/or cause destruction of property;  they begin to feel the parent who suffers from PTSD doesn't love them and begin copying that parent's attitude and behavior in order to re-connect to them on an emotional level; a child may be forced to take on more than they should or are capable of at their young age; and/or a child may find themselves trying to fill a parent's place within the family because there is a void that needs to be filled.

Children are particularly susceptible to the hyperarousal symptoms exhibited by the person who suffers from PTSD.  Because they are children, they feel it very closely and intensely, and can sense the anxiety, anger, aggressiveness, and hyper-sensitivity that occurs in waves.  As a consequence, children, because they are so adaptive to their environment, will take on a hyper-vigilant position, "mirroring" the parent with PTSD, and depending upon the individual personality, can become very passive and non-aggressive so as not to upset their PTSD parent, or they can do the opposite, and act out more than they should and get into a lot of trouble.

As children get older, during their teenage years and even into their twenties, the long term effects of these early traumas that induced secondary PTSD truly begin to show themselves: they may have a hard time connecting to people in relationships and when in a relationship, repeat the very things they witnessed with their parents; they may fight with their siblings and try to harm them; they may use drugs and alcohol to escape from their now unconscious pain; school becomes less and less important to them, and their grades and effort may significantly diminish as they are suddenly getting into trouble and partaking in risky and violent acts.  For others, their lives are lived in quiet desperation.  They are never completely happy or satisfied or fulfilled with their lives, as if they are haunted by some dark memory of their past of which they are unable to break free.  Chronically depressed, fearful of the future, haunted by the past, anxious that their lives are not what they could be, constantly bombarded by the thoughts and triggers of the past which keep them held hostage to incessant painful memories, these are all hallmarks of adults who have suffered from some form of PTSD in their lives - these, among other symptoms, are the long-term effects which handicap these adults from being who they truly are and are capable of becoming.    

If you have young children and you're living with someone who has PTSD or you think has PTSD, watch their behavior and see if they begin to exhibit any of the symptoms which I described above.  If they do, get them some help.  There are many wonderful resources out there, family therapy groups, etc., that can help to allow your child to process his or her feelings, and help him or her to understand what is going on in the other parent.  Communication is key with a child as well.  Be honest with them, within reason, and answer their questions as best you can.  Don't try to hide the family problem, be open, alert, and proactive to getting children into a healthy place so that they are not negatively affected by the parent with PTSD.  Things that are not addressed openly and brought to consciousness are then buried in the unconsciousness and are later brought to us as fate in order for it to be healed.  That can be an enormously painful process for the adult, one that can be avoided if you address the problem before it takes root.

As for us adults, it becomes a little more complicated.  We have the ability to make choices, and although our lives may have been influenced by these events beyond our control, if we blame or accuse others for the problems in our lives, it removes us from having to make the choices necessary to change the trajectory our lives are going.  However we got the problem, it's our problem now, and this goes not just for PTSD, but for all the challenges in our lives.  Blaming others for our issues keeps us in a victim mentality, and only feeds our ego, which likes to be a victim.  When you begin to understand that everyone is innocent in these situations, everyone was damaged, a wave of love and compassion will sweep over you, and true healing can begin.  I'm not asking you to get to that point if you're not ready to.  There may be a lot of pain to work through, and people may have deeply hurt or harmed you in horrible ways, or you may have done some pretty horrible things that you feel are unforgivable, I understand that.  But as adults, we can either let the past define us as who we are, or we can make the conscious choice to heal and make peace with our past, learn and grow from it, and become something better.

Some of you may be thinking just because someone experienced PTSD, secondary PTSD, or extreme traumas at some point in the course of their lives doesn't give them the excuse to not take responsibility for the choices they made in their lives that led them to where they are now.  I agree, to a point.  Yes, we must take full responsibility for all the choices and decisions we made in our lives, and why we are where we are now.  However, when choices are unconsciously or consciously influenced by the negative impact these traumas had, we often do not make the best choice.  Someone who is living a life of quiet desperation will make a choice to get a job, but it may not be the job he wants, nor will he think he is worthy of anything better because his choices are being influenced by his past.  They are not influenced or drawn in the direction of what he loves or would love to be doing.  Hence, his past controls his life.  People who suffer from or have suffered from PTSD are looking at life with the lens fogged up.  They have a difficult time overcoming their past trauma and so their choices are limited to the narrow vision they have of themselves.  Clearing these past traumas up, frees up the mind to make better, healthier choices, and your life begins to open up in ways you could not possibly have imagined.

I like to think of it as a garden.  If suddenly you found out that the soil you'd been planting all your fruits and vegetables in was contaminated, and although occasionally it did bear fruit, the fruit wasn't all it could be.  Now that you have this awareness - ah, this is why my efforts have been in vain because there is something in the soil that needs to be cleared out - you take the time to clear up the soil, remove all the toxins and weeds that may have damaged your efforts to grow a beautiful garden, re-fertilize it with nutrients and other good stuff to make the land fertile - and then you start planting again.  You remove all the stuff that no longer serves you and has kept you from making your garden into the garden you want it to be.  Well, its the same thing with your thoughts, emotions, and feelings.  That's your internal garden.  You have to look at what's been contaminating your soul, remove it, clear out all the weeds, feed your soul with what truly nourishes it, change your thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and then, re-plant.  Your choices will then be influenced by the efforts you took to improve yourself, and your life will reflect the changes you've made.  But you must identify the root cause of your problem, you must get down to the roots, before any substantial changes can be made.

I used to think in order for a son to claim his manhood,  he had to rise up against the father and confront or challenge him.  That's not true for me anymore.  I think a son becomes not only his father's son but also his own man when he rises up to face the challenges his father left behind for him to solve.  We stand on the shoulders of our fathers, they brought us as far as they could take us, and then its up to us to take the next steps forward, and lead our sons and daughters to the point where they take the reins from us to solve the problems we leave for them to find solutions.  That's the conscious process of evolution in individuals, families, communities, and nations, and when we look at it in that way, we begin to understand that when challenges confront us, we are called upon to meet it for the good of all.  


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