We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress, and suffering. Instead of letting them go, instead of allowing ourselves to be stress-free and happy, we cling on to the memories and events of our past. Well, you can change that, starting right now, today. You are going to learn how to identify those things that no longer serve you and give them up, which will begin the process for you to embrace the change.
Ready? Here you go. These are the tools for you to implement in your own life, right now, which will accelerate the process of letting go of your past.
1 . Give up your need to always be right. There’s so many of us who just can’t stand the idea of being wrong, wanting to always be right, even at the expense of ending relationships that are causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the urgent need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right? Or would I rather be kind?” This comes from Wayne Dyer. Now what difference will that make? Or is your ego really that big?
2. Give up you need for control. Be willing to give up your need to control everything that happens around you whether they are situations, events, people, and it doesn't matter who they may be – workers, co-workers, strangers, your loved ones – just allow them to be. Allow everyone and everything to be just exactly as it is and just watch how much better you are going to feel. “By letting it go, it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. When you try and try, the world is beyond winning.” –Lao Tzu
3. Give up on blame. Give up your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.
4. Give up on your self-defeating talk. Now this is a big one. How many people are hurting themselves right now because of their negative, polluted, and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Here’s a rule of thumb. Don’t believe anything you mind tells you, especially if its negative, and self-defeating. You are way better than that. Eckart Tolle says, “The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, and it becomes very destructive.”
5. Give up your limiting beliefs. About what you can or can’t do. About what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings, and you fly. “A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind.” – Elly Roselle
6. Give up your complaining. Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many things in your life – people, situations, events that make you very unhappy, sad, and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy. No situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situations that trigger those feelings in you but how you choose to look at it. Never, ever underestimate the power of positive thinking.
7. Give up the luxury of criticism. Give up your need to criticize things, people, or events that are different from you. Were all different and we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and be understood and understand. We all want something, and something is wished by all.
8. Give up your need to impress others. Stop trying so hard to be something that you are not just to make other people like you. It doesn't work that way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you are not, the moment you take off all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.
9. Give up your resistance to change. Change is good. Change helps you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives around you. Follow your bliss. Embrace change. Don’t resist it. One of my favorite authors is Joseph Campbell and he writes, “Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.”
10. Give up on labels. Stop labeling those things, people, or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, just a little, little by little. Miracles only work when the mind is open. Wayne Dyer says, “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.”
11. Give up on your fears. Fear is just an illusion, it doesn't exist! You created it, I created it, it’s all in our minds. Correct the inside, and everything else is going to fall into place.
12. Give up your excuses. Take your excuses and send them packing and tell them they are fired. You don’t need them anymore. Lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving our lives we get stuck. We lie to ourselves. We use all kinds of excuses. Excuses which are 99.9% of the time are not even real.
13. Give up the past. Here’s a big one. I know, I know, it’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening. But you have to take in to consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are longing for – it’s gone. The past that you were dreaming about was ignored by you when you were in the present. So, let’s stop deluding ourselves. Be present in everything you do and enjoy your life. All of life is a journey, it’s not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the Now.
14. Give up attachment. This concept is a hard one to grasp, and I have to tell you it was for me too. It still is. But it’s not impossible. You get better and better at it with time and practice. The moment you detach from all things (this doesn't mean you give up your love for them, because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another. Attachment comes from a place of fear while love, real love, is pure, its kind, and selfless. Its peaceful, where there is love, there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist.) You become very peaceful, so kind, so tolerant, so serene. You will get to a place where eventually you will be able to understand all things without even trying. It’s a state beyond words.
15. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations. Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what other people think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their enemies, teachers, their government and the media thinks is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, their inner calling. They are so busy pleasing everybody else with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their own lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need, and eventually they forget about themselves. You have one life – you've got this one, right now – you must live it, you must own it, and especially, don’t allow other people’s opinions to distract you from your path.
Charlie Pacello is a PTSD, Depression, and Healing Trauma Recovery Expert and Life Coach, a former US Air Force Lieutenant, and creator of the program, 'Lt. Pacello's Life Training Program.' He can be reached by visiting his website at www.charliepacello.com