WHAT LIGHTS YOU UP?
Now, what motivates you? What is going to get you out of bed in the morning? What is that thing that is going to spark you and get you so excited to make your life everything it could possibly be? Is it going to be money? Is it going to be having that new car? Is it going to be having some other possession? This type of motivation may work temporarily, it may be the way you do it and obviously a majority of people use this as a motivation in today’s society, but the thing is, once you get that possession, what are you going to do? What’s next? Once that desire is satisfied, you’ll have to find a new desire to covet. So it becomes a pattern of something always outside of ourselves as giving us the motivation to achieve. Something outside of ourselves that we are chasing after to give us meaning and fulfillment, instead of looking inside and finding our true motivation and saying ‘this is what I’m all about, this is who I am, this is what I am giving and contributing to the world.’ When you come from this place, all those other material possessions will come. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not denying the value and the pleasure these possessions give us, I enjoy possessions just like the rest of you, however, you must always keep in mind these things are transient. They come and they go. You get one car, you get tired of it, and you get another. You buy one house, you decide you want to move or you lose it for whatever reason, you change residences. You work at one job, you decide to change careers or you lose that job, and you’re off to find another one. So, with the transient nature of all these things, you have to decide, are you going to place your value, the value of your life on something outside of you which is completely out of your control, or on what you have within?
If your motivation is based on something outside of yourself, you are inevitably putting yourself at the vulnerability of being let down. But if you place your motivation in the core of your being and who you truly are, regardless of what happens outside of you in the external world, and it could be upsetting, for example, you could lose your job, your home, your relationship might suddenly end, someone close to you might die, you could be in the worst situation possible, but you will still know the thing that drives you, why you do what you do. What it is that motivates you to action. That’s what we are looking at here. It’s not what drove you yesterday. It’s not what drove you ten years ago. It’s not what drove you twenty years ago. What drove me ten years ago is completely different than what drives me today. What drives me today is I want to help heal in others Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, depression, trauma, and stress and I want to do this for everybody. Why? Because I understand how painful it is. I had lived with it for so long, I was genetically, environmentally, and unconsciously programmed to experience and live with this from the time I was born, and to finally be free from it, all of it, I want to give that to others. That’s my motivation. That’s what gets me up in the morning. That’s what gets me excited is to be able to give people the tools and permission to heal themselves.
That wasn't my motivation 10 years ago. Ten years ago, my motivation was I wanted to become a great actor, a movie and stage star. And I still want to be a great actor, and I know I've done and will continue to do great acting when the roles come, but things have changed now after the incredible journey I've gone through. So that was my motivation 10 years ago. 20 years ago, my motivation was to be the best officer I could be, to learn the skills to becoming an officer in the Air Force, and inculcate those principles in my being. So there were different motivations at different times in my life. So, we got to figure out what it is that motivates you today! What drives you today?
One of the teachers that I've brought into my program, and I have numerous teachers that I draw from for their insights, wisdom, and deep understandings of the nature of life and living, is Tony Robbins. There is nobody out there better than Tony Robbins about getting you motivated. He epitomizes life coaching and he has motivated millions to live inspired lives, and that’s why he’s in this program. People who suffer from PTSD, depression, trauma, or stress must uncover what moves them to action in order for them to break free from the past.
Tony says, “The invisible force of internal drive activated is the most important thing in the world.” Really get this. “The invisible force of internal drive activated is the most important thing in the world.” This is that thing inside of you that is your force of life, the emotion that is inside of you that drives you to do what you do. Emotion is the force of life. It’s going to drive you to the life you want to live. The video I have of Tony Robbins I’m going to break down and analyze it for you right here, what I got from it, so that you can get everything you need from it right now.
“All effective leaders have the ability to consistently move themselves and others to action because they understand the invisible forces that shape us.” This is a direct quote from the video. These invisible forces are your thoughts, your emotions, your feelings, your beliefs, your values, all these things that are inside of you that shape your ability to contribute to something beyond yourself. If you just focus on yourself and what the world can give you, or what the world owes you, you’re coming from a place of lack, of scarcity, of wantingness. Wantingness is an insatiable, pervasive, empty feeling inside that can never be satisfied. It’s an insatiable desire on the part of the individual where nothing satisfies the craving for more, no matter how many desires are actually fulfilled. It is a negative energy field that is constantly consuming without ever being filled up. The desire of wanting more is actually more desired than the desires being met. A person coming from this place is constantly consuming.
We live in a consumer culture, our whole society has been built up around consuming – what can I get out of this? What’s in it for me? – Instead of what can I give? What can I contribute? As a consequence of this, we've collectively forgotten the art of fulfillment. This art of fulfillment is about how do I fulfill my life, and give it meaning and purpose. It has nothing to do with buying things, acquiring possessions, what’s my take, what’s in it for me, etc., that’s why we have the selfish, narcissistic, ego-centered culture that we have because it’s all about satisfying this insatiable wantingness of the ego, which we identify as me. Well, it’s not just about your ego, and having you ego desires be met. Yes, it is very important to love yourself, and know who you are, no doubt in my mind you must master yourself; and from this place of wholeness, it then becomes about what it is that I can give? What it is I can contribute? How can I make this world better? How do I create the life that I want to live? What can I do to add to life, add to the expansion of life, that’s what’s going to give you fulfillment. That’s going to give you appreciation for others, appreciation for yourself, and you are going to be contributing something. And the sense of being able to contribute something fills you up, it gives you a sense of meaning and purpose, it gives your life purpose, you are living your life on purpose!
To live your life on purpose is so invigorating! The problem is we are living in a culture that thinks we are our biography. That we are our past. That biography defines us. Whatever our past was, that’s what our present is going to be, that’s what our future is going to be. And most of the people who are out there, quite frankly, this is how they are going to live. And this will be true for them. Your biography is your destiny, and your past is going to equal your future. If you choose to live this way, whatever your past was, you are going to bring it right into your future, guaranteed. That’s what you are going to get, if that is where you stay. However, what you have as a human being, you have the free will to choose something different; you have the power of decision. Decision is the ultimate power. You can choose to live in the past, or you can choose to do something different, and build a better now and a better future.
What are some of the reasons people say that they didn't achieve their goal? I know what my reasons were! My biggest one? Money! I didn't have enough money or resources to go out and get what I wanted; I didn't have the time to do it; I didn't have the knowledge or the understanding; I wasn't smart enough – this person is way too smart for me and too far ahead of me for me to be able to do that – boy, oh boy! I made more excuses for myself for not accomplishing a goal, or even attempting one, rather than just deciding once and for all to do it! And these were all based upon my perception of lack. These beliefs were so deeply embedded within my psyche, this perception of lack and scarcity, that they were all my claims for not having enough resources! What I was missing was that despite the fact these statements were probably true, these excuses were not my biggest problem. My biggest defining factor was not that I didn't have enough resources; it was that I wasn't resourceful. Resourcefulness is the defining factor on whether or not someone is going to fail or someone is going to succeed.
What are some of the qualities of resourcefulness? A person who is resourceful is creative; they’re determined; they love and care about what they do; they have curiosity about everything, they want to know, they’re curious; they have passion for what they do; and they have resolve. Nothing is going to stop them from doing what it is that they set out to do. I had none of these, well I had some; I had passion. I have passion for acting, I had passion to be an officer and to succeed at the Academy, but I was deficient in some of these other areas. And as I looked back at my life, I examined when I was successful and when I wasn't. And the areas when I was really successful, when I was really on target, when I was really focused on what I set out to do, it’s when I had an emotion connected to it, a deep, passionate, driving emotion. And that emotion, this real human emotion, was something I was able to give and communicate to someone else, on a level they were able to experience and comprehend, it was an authentic communication of something so profound within me, I was able to connect with them. I was able to communicate that excitement, that passion, that deep desire to them.
So, what I've learned, both from my own personal experience and from the Tony Robbins video, is you've got to get the right emotion! You have to get the feeling inside you can do anything! We can do it; we can do anything, if we have the right emotion behind it. If you have this emotion, and you are creative enough, playful enough, fun enough, adventurous enough, determined enough, compassionate enough, you can communicate and connect to anyone. And when I was successful, that’s where I was at. That’s when I met my goals. And when I didn't have that, the majority of the time, I didn't meet my goals. So, for me, when I didn't have the money to do the things I wanted to do, I would let this get me down. I used this as an excuse not to go after the things I wanted to do. And so, the bottom line is you have to find a way. If you don’t have the money, you don’t have the resources, you've got to be resourceful, and your ultimate resource is going to be your emotion.
Part 3 tomorrow.
Charlie Pacello is a PTSD, Depression, and Healing Trauma Recovery Expert and Life Coach, a former US Air Force Lieutenant, and creator of the program, 'Lt. Pacello's Life Training Program.' He can be reached by visiting his website at www.charliepacello.com